Online dating safety tips, without the panic

Common scam patterns, demystified

Online romance scams follow a tight, rehearsed script. According to the FBI's 2024 Internet Crime Report, confidence and romance scams cost US victims more than $672 million in a single year, and the Federal Trade Commission notes that the median reported loss on a romance scam in 2024 was about $2,000 per person - the highest of any consumer fraud category. The majority of these operations originate from West African countries, chiefly Nigeria, Ghana, and Senegal, and are collectively known as Nigerian romance scams.

Here's the structure almost every one of them follows, so you can recognize it the next time it shows up in your inbox:

1. The hook

   An unusually attractive profile matches you and opens with warmth and flattery. The photos are often stolen from military personnel, doctors, or models. A reverse image search (right-click → Search image with Google Lens) will frequently surface the originals.

2. The rapid bond

   Within a few days they are calling you their soulmate, asking about your routines, and mirroring your values back at you. They may send long voice notes or romantic poems - often recycled from other victims.

3. The move off-platform

   They suggest email, WhatsApp, or Telegram "because I barely use this site." Once you leave, platform moderation cannot see the conversation and cannot protect you.

4. The inciting crisis

   A medical emergency, a customs fee, a business deal gone wrong, a phone about to be cut off. Always urgent, always solvable with money, always something you can wire quickly.

5. The ask

   Cash via Western Union or MoneyGram. Gift cards (Apple, Google Play, Steam). Cryptocurrency. Bank wires to an unfamiliar account. They will promise to pay you back the moment they are "home."

If you can spot steps one, two, or three, you can step off the track before step five. That is the whole game.

Verification: what good platforms do

Verification is the single strongest defense against catfishing, stolen photos, and scam profiles. Disabled dating communities are particularly targeted because scammers assume vulnerability - which is exactly why platforms serving our community should lead on verification, not lag. Here's what a trustworthy platform looks like in 2026:

• Selfie video verification. Members record a short video holding a platform-provided gesture or phrase, which moderators match to profile photos. Used by serious disability-focused services and it dramatically reduces fake profiles.
• A visible "verified" badge. So you can filter for verified members only when you want extra peace of mind.
• Human moderation. Not just algorithms. Trained reviewers who understand disability context - including the difference between a legitimately tired photo and a staged sympathy shot.
• Proactive scam detection. The platform flags common scam script phrases, sudden "move to WhatsApp" pushes, and repeat-offender IP patterns before they reach you.
• Accessible verification flows. Alternatives for blind, deaf, and motor-impaired users - video prompts with captions, audio instructions, and assistive-tech support. Good detail on this in our accessibility in dating guide.
• No phone number required on the public profile. Messaging stays inside the app until both people choose to move.

Here's the thing: verification is not a guarantee, it is a filter. A verified match can still turn out to be incompatible or unkind - but they are very unlikely to be a romance scammer running five other profiles in parallel.

How to report a scammer on our platform

Reporting a suspicious profile is one tap, and you do not need certainty to do it - a hunch is enough. Our moderation team is trained to handle it from there, and you will not be contacted about the outcome unless you ask. Here's the full flow:

1. Ask a location-specific question first

   Optional, but revealing. "What's the name of the main train station in your city?" or "What's a local dish where you live?" Scammers working from a script will dodge or Google clumsily.

2. Do not send money or personal information

   Not a small loan, not a gift card, not your address. Once the money conversation starts, the relationship is the scam.

3. Keep the conversation on the platform

   If they push to email or WhatsApp, politely decline - and flag that push in your report. It is one of the strongest signals moderators look for.

4. Tap Report on the profile

   Choose the closest reason (scam, impersonation, harassment, devotee behavior), add a short note if you like, and submit. The report is confidential - the other person is not told who filed it.

5. Block and move on

   Blocking removes them from your matches and prevents further contact. Then talk to a friend. Scammers prey on isolation, and naming what happened out loud breaks the spell fast.

For the full picture of how we moderate, verify, and protect member data - including SSI-sensitive information - see our Safety & Privacy page. Education on the patterns is the primary defense, and you are already most of the way there by reading this.